you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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