i think my tv is drunk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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