I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
