Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
