i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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