I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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