So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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