i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
