I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
