I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
