What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
