My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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