the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think i got beer on your cat.
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