I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
