you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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