You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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