The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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