no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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