I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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