im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
