After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
