Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
