I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the room spins SO much faster in panama
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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