I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
