Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
