Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
