Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
