I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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