she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
