so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
