That's intense
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
