the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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