3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
