I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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