he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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