I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
