I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
