Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
