To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
