His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
