i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
