I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
