I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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