NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
