your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
