Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
whose parrot is this?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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