I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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