I wanna passion pit in your ass
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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