I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
