He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
