oh god the rape fog is back!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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