dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
