I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
