If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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