Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
