You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
