he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
