you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
