youre lurking in front of me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
