My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
