Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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