I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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