Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
