It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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